i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
