You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
