since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
