Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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