If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
