I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
