I have demons in me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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