Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
