Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
