you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
