He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
