I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
