i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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