Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
