I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
