4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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