Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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