is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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