If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
