I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
