we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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