Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
