Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
