my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
