Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
