just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
