Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
