my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
