Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
