apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize