I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
