the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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