My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
