She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
