I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
