The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
