Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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