So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
