Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
