Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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