The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
