She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dear god my vagina.
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