This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
