Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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