but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
