This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
