Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
