Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
