No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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