My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
