Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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