Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
