in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
