Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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