in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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