Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
