worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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