Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
