this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
