We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
