yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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