like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
