i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
