He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
