Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
