she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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