Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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