Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
