There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
