dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
