No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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