just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
