I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
