If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
