just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
